Jake Sez

Musings of Jake the Sprocker

Diary of a Sprocker by Jake Wilson - Age 4½

A blog written mainly in Sprockerish or sometimes translated into English

Saturday 12th March 2016 - In the original Sprockish

Hello Sprockets Jake here.

Well az you knowz last year I waz stalked by da Seagull Mafia, diz year I iz stalked by FOXEZ. Dey iz comez into me garden an leavez dere super lush stink everywhere. But dey not leave me any pressiez to Nom Nom or rollz in. Every nightz I answer da “Right Jakie” command dat meanz I haz to have da PeePee before bed an I runz to da bottom of da garden to shout at dem to come back an let me nuzzle dere fluffy lush tailz or at least leavez me some presentz, but dey never do! To make fingz even worserer one of dem red devilz follows me to workz an waz paradez all round me yard taunting me wiv “ooohhh little sprocket look at mylush tail and you can’t nuzzle it as you are caged an I am free”. Well I gotz very mad at it an barkz and growlz full on attack guard dog mode, I hoped Hooauntie Alice or Hoomum might let me out to chase it off but no deal. It not fair iz diz a case for da sprocker police?

I iz not like da light nightz an morningz iz ruinz my “find da Poop” game wiv hoodad. Only once diz week did he need da flashlight to find my hidey place. I guess I needz to be more creative in my poopie placez.

On da up side dere are more doggies out now so more new friendz to make. Please not tell me French Bird Lucy but I haz Leicester bum butt another. My lickle friend Truffles has been runnin wiv me an we play lotz diz week. I forgot myself and bum butt her, but I waz gentle coz she iz lickle not like my Lucy nly 3 monthz till I seez her again. My even smaller friend Bella haz been outz to so good timez on da manorway diz week.

What iz it wiv our hoominz dat when da telly weather Hoominz say it iz spring dey make uz havez da new hairdo? It iz still cold an I iz miss my furry trouserz to keep me warm. Also my new doo not keep da stank in. Pic one iz me after nearly 2 weekz look at me I iz still DAZ white. Pic 2 iz me after ballfrow today I triez well hard to get super stanky but look da stank just falls off I iz hardly changed colour, an I still not collectz any jewellery.

On da upside da long grass tickle my shaved undercarriage and it feelz nice. But Hoodad callz me da wimp dix morning coz a ball went in da stingey nettlez an I not want to go in an getz it. I sayz to him “letz me shave hiz love spudz” an see if he want to walk through stingey nettlez.

Lst night Hoodad waz well late home from work. I fink it waz a problem wiv birdz coz he moanz about dat “Flocking Dartfor Gunnel” which I fink iz some type of bird dat must have been in da group an stop da traffic!. When he finally getz home dey had Shepherdz pie an me an Baby da catz not get any coz it haz onionz. In protest my bumz close shop an I not poop all night. Diz morning I leavez Hoodad 3 large pressiez to pick up coz I knowz how much he like doing dat an curlz 2 more on ballfrow. I felt so light I waz in NOS mode not just turbo mode. (Hoodad here I don’t know about me watching too much top gear on Dave, for those of you who are not petrol heads he means Nitros Oxide which is used to make cars go very fast.)

Next weekend Hoodad iz off to French France to watch rugby, hope he not bump into Lucy an tellz her about trufflez. So I getz da weekend wiv Hoomum, I hopes Hooauntie Kay comez over coz she givez me cuddlez an usually bringz me da pressie.

Well off now to getz some snooze before Hoodad shoutz at da rugby.

Come on England

Sprock on Puppiez Luvz Jake xx

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