Jake Sez

Musings of Jake the Sprocker

Diary of a Sprocker by Jake Wilson - Age 5

A blog written mainly in Sprockerish or sometimes translated into English

Saturday 4th June 2016 - In the original Sprockish

Hello Sprockets Jake here.

Well I waz in Hoodads bad bookz last night. I had a right touch on da waste ground at da end of da Manorway someone had frown for da birdz some mahoosive burger bunz. Dey waz whole an everyfing, I not gonna leave dem for da horrible featherd fingz. We all knowz I likez da Scooby snax so I try to snaffle dem but da big man make me sit and takez dem away.

But dat not why I in da bad bookz, Hoodad takez me back by a different route away from da bunz, I howeverz not forgetz where dey are an ran off back to get dem. OMD waz he shoutz loud I swear windowsz in da housez rattle, I of course copz da deafiez in da earziez. Unlucky for me all da huffy puffy leaky fing he doez on ballfrow seemz to be workz coz he caught me up before I had scoffed even half of one, there waz lotz of name calling and red face veiny fing going on I can tell you. Worst of all he den givez me da silent treatmentz all night, it make me sad but it never lastz an he share hiz ice cream wiv me while dey watch telly so I guess he still luvz me.

Baby waz back to da vetz to be de-matted, Hoomum callz it “penny all off” to get rid of her knotz. Baby iz well skanky at timez she could almost be a sprocket. It not so funny diz time coz she not shave like a plucked chicken, but at least da one at da back haz gone so it not look like she haz grown her own lovespudz to taunt me wiv. Hoomum iz alawyz embarrassed coz baby iz good az gold wiv da vet but iz full “Freddie Kruger” if dey try to groom her demselvez.

Diz morning da seagull Mafia left a calling card in da garden, it waz still warm. But I not scared of dem so I just cleared it up for Hoodad to save him time. (Hoodad here cleared up? What he actually did was roll in it and have two stipes of bird poo, one on each shoulder, to start our walk). Cleared up rolled in I suppose we just lookz at life different.

On ball frow diz morning I gotz da shock of my life. We getz to Croocked Billet an da Fatman launches da ball. Off I runz an grabz it an keepz running, when I needz da rest I turn an flop in da long grass, well blow me down he haz been huffy puffy leaky fing an waz right behindz me. It waz da same all da way, I did manage to wearz him out by da cricket pitch. Boy oh boy waz he leaky by da time we gotz home.

I haz to say I iz disappoint wiv Thurrock council da grass iz so ling in da parks people cannot see how bootiful I iz, Look at da picturez today you can hardly see da sexy black earz. An a nuvver issue iz da grass wiped all da good stank off me, I iz not happy.

When we getz back Baby waz drivez Hoomum mad, waaa waaa waain for food treatz. Hoomum told here to go an “catch a rat”. Well she not catch a rat but she did kill a bird den bang on da door to be let in, lookin well proud of herself. Hoodad showed Hoomum an said she asked for it and Baby delivered. Me I iz gonna keep da low profile an snooze to keepz out of killerz way.

Diz will be da last post for a week or two coz I iz on Holiboibz to French France to see me bird Lucy.

Sprock on Puppies, Luvz Jake xx

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