Jake Sez

Musings of Jake the Sprocker

Diary of a Sprocker by Jake Wilson - Age 5

A blog written mainly in Sprockerish or sometimes translated into English

Saturday 16th April 2016 - In the original Sprockish

Hi Sprockets Jake here.

Well whatz a great week I haz had.

Right touch number one
Sunday was Yoghurt pot day, Pic 1 and 2 iz me enojyz da pot an get smearz all on me nose. It waz well lush an da sunshine from da new hole in da roof waz well nice too.

Right touch Number Two
Hoomum caught Hoodadz lergiez. So instead of havez to go an entertainz my suvvern Hoograndad and Hoogran I gotz da whole day az a duvet day. I didz have to be nurse Jakie an lookz after Hoomum but she waz sleepz loadz so I just joins in. I did miss my Hoogran and her foodie treatz.

Right touch number Three
Hoomum waz still lergied up on Tuesday so I haz another duvet day, da Fatbloke waz off wiv da workie fing so walkiez waz at a nice slow pace an I waz nursie for another day. (Hoodad here from what I hear he was sprawled asleep on the sofa for the majority of the day, lazy little Sprocker)

Right touch number 4
Hoomum lost her voice which mean I haz loadz of funz bringing outside toyz in and laugh when she tries to yell at me an nothing comez out. Some waz so high I fink only whales and Dolphinz could hear them. Hoodad waz try an phone but gave up as he said “ it was like talking to Flipper”. We both had greatz laughz about that.

(Hoodad here for those of you who don’t come from the south east a right touch is a stroke of good fortune)

Me an Baby da Catz haz cookz up an evil plan. She iz not only vicious Freddie Kruger evil she iz evil plan mastermind.

Ever since she came to live wiv me, when my Maternal Hoogran went over da rainbow bridge, she haz scoffed one type of cat food, Soft wiv jelly never crunciez. She eat da jelly first den goes back for da lumps. I know I know dat is weird food should be scoff as fast as possible so da Hoominz not able to make Hoomin food and not givez you some of dat too.

Sorry I iz going off topic, anyway da Hoominz have stockpiled her favourite soft food wiv special flavoured Jelly. Baby notice diz and da fact dey iz feed her soft upstairs so I no get cat food nom nomz. Her evil plan iz stop eatz da soft an demand da cruncie, it iz drivez da hoominz made, Hoodad go all red and veiny an callz her some bad namez. But she iz so evil she not stopz until dey buyz more crunchiez den she meowz and meowz loadz so de keep putz down crunchiez in da kitchen, an when dey do she haz a nibble den letz me finish up. Az I said she iz da evil genius an I fink I luvz her now. Last night she even nuzzled my earz OMD I waz so shocked I forgotz to nuzzle her fur I fink she iz likez me too now.

Friday night gave proof if it needed dat Hoodad haz lost it. He camez home in da rotten bad rain an wantz to go for walkiez. WALKIEZ in dat what iz he on I buries me head behind da cushinz an ignorez him. But then da man come wiv da takeaway an me and Baby da Catz getz da chicken an ribz treatz to makez it da perfect Friday.

Saturady morning I waz hopez for a lie in but no Fatman getz up wiv da usual cacophony (I know dat iz big posh word for me) of burpz, coughz and parpz. He comez down in hiz cammo trouserz goes to da garage and putz hiz big leather bootz on and den gaitorz to keep hiz legz dry den hiz big green coat. I can’t tell you how daft he look it waz like ballfrow wiv Action man’s Giant Grandad. ( Hoodad here Jake I am not taking fashion tips from a Sprocker whose favourite ensemble is mud and twigs with high lights of foxpoo and dead things.

Anyways I haz to getz some sleepz in coz da wonderful Saintz iz play da nasty Tigerz at Rugby tonight. I know I waz born in Leicestershire but I iz a Saintz dog through an thought Just like Bernie da Mascot. Pic 3 is Bernie. Hoodad do you fink as I not getz birthday pressiez we could celebratez my gotcha day an getz me my own Saintz shirt? (Hoodad here I will see what I can do,just don’t tell Hoomum)

Sprock on Puppiez, Luvz Jake xx

To any Tigerz Sprocketz out dere I haz one fing tosay “COME ON YOU SAINTS”

Clickz on da image to see full pic

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