Diary of a Sprocker by Jake Wilson - Age 4½
A blog written mainly in Sprockerish or sometimes translated into English
Saturday 30th January 2016 - In the original Sprockish
Hello sprockets, Jake here.
Well, I waz rite keep da Jakey clean room iz finished. I waz suspishus when da hoomins got dressed in da dog walkie cloves last Sunday. Dey taked me to my fav place in da world, Stanford Marshes. Hoomins makes dem who not know well jel by calling it Stanford beach. It haz everfin dere, mud, puddles, ponds, streams, da sea, trees, bushes, wabbits, ducks, hills and lots of fings that I can get stuck in da ears.
I hadz a great time watching da hoomins struggle on dere two feet in da slippy mud. Usually we takez a short cut down a hill to da tow path and da good swimmies. Hoomum sed is was too slippy so she waz walk round da long way. Hoodad waz big an brave walking down da hill den BAM down he wentz straight on hiz bum and slid da rest of da way. Me and hooman was laff and laff at da big fella slidin like a baby on his botty down da hill.
I went quick swimmiez in da sea but was cold so my underbits waz all tingly. Den I ran and ran and ran. When we gotz to da pond dere was da small ducks and moor hens so I chased dem. Phew dey iz swim fast. I usually spendz lotz of time in da pond jumping in and out but I waz zawsted and hadz a long walk/trot back to da orange zoomie.
Hoodad towelled me in da garden den I waz taken to da very bad place. (hoomum here: he means the new bathroom). He lifted me into da baff and da water waz nice and warm so I laid down and not letz him wash da good stank from my belly. Hoodad tricked me an pulled da plug den started with the bubblez. Word of warning sprockets dey may look nice and fluffy but dey taste of yukky. Hoodad den used da indoor rain pipe and I watched all da dirt runz away. I waz sad.
Da good fing about da new keep da Jakey clean place is dat I can shakez and shakez wivout hitting anyone or anyfink. I was nearly dry but hoomum give me da towel and den da drier. After my ordeal I waz given a hint of good fingz to come. I sawz hoodad put a duck in da oven. He must be able to swimz really quick to catch one of dem ducks. (hoomum here: I am sure you realise that we didn’t poach a duck, we bought it from a supermarket). Roasted din dinz dat nite waz great. Baby da cat and me hadz lotz of duck and there waz overlefts for us every nite in da week.
On a sad note I fink dat my builders breakfasts are all gone now. I will miss hoouncles Barry and Sam and specially dere bacon and sossage rollz. Still, I haz heard dat dey will be back in a few months to make an updastairs room look nice. Meanwhilez I will practis my cute puppy dog gimme some of dat eyes.
Hoodad is away dis weekend. He is visit my hoouncle Martin oop norf. Dey will drink lots of da special silly juice and den watch men play wiv da ball in da mud. Funny how he only letz me play wiv da ball in da mud for a short while but he watches da men for agez and den more men on da telly all talkz about it . . yawn
I don’t like hoomum take me on ballfrow she wakez me up in da middle of da night and we not see any uvver doggies as dey is still warm and comfy in dere beds. To getz my revenge I kept droppin da ball an making her walk for it. Since we gotz back home I haz laid on da sofa having da good snooz but she haz been do what she callz chorz. Hahaha I fink I win.
Well dats all for diz week. Remember don’t eat da fluffy bubbles and getz your snoozez when you can.Sprock on Puppiez, luvz Jake xx
Pic 1 Just before hoodad rolled down da hill
Pic 2 After swimmiez at da towpath
Pic 3 Chasing da moor hen
Pic 4 In da bad place
Pic 5 More bad place
Pic 6 Snooze time
Clickz on da image to see full pic
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