Jake Sez

Musings of Jake the Sprocker

Diary of a Sprocker by Jake Wilson - Age 3

A blog written mainly in Sprockerish or sometimes translated into English

Sunday 6th April 2014 - Translated from Sprockish by hoomum

Was woken from heavenly slumber by dad. I knew it was time for his walk so I got myself off the sofa and tried to look excited.

Took dad for a 30 minute walk. Let him off his lead, but all he did was walk along the path. I enjoyed running about, sniffing and finding places to poop that I know would be difficult for him to pick it up from. He likes a challenge.

Back home, managed to cadge a few crumbs of toast from both mum and dad. The breakfast they put down for me looks like a dog's dinner. I am not eating that! Cat food looks much nicer, I'll eat that.

Tried to sleep on the sofa but my hoomans kept talking to me and keeping me awake. Thank goodness they are going out soon; shopping for more food – yumm.

Grabbed 40 winks while they were out shopping and tried to look awake when they got back. Inspected the shopping bags, seems to be all in order.

Dozed on the sofa and was roused by the smell of cooking bacon. Gave both hoomans the sad eyed look and managed to get a bit of bacon roll from both of them. Result! Followed dad into the kitchen with the plates as I know he saved me a bit of bacon in the pan cooling down.

Napped on the sofa while they drank tea, inspected breakfast. Didn't look too bad now so ate that. Well it had been 20 mins since I had eaten something.

Watched hoomans getting changed into walking gear. Managed to nick mum's sock and run off down the garden with it and also managed to get one of dad's slippers from the garage where he was putting on his walking boots. Got dad to chase me round the garden trying to retrieve sock and slipper.

Clickz on da image to see full pic

image

Must be going somewhere good as both hoomans are dressed and ready. Jump in the car. Best try and get some zzzeds in before we get there.

Oh goody, we are going to the beach. It has everything there; mud, water, muddy water, rabbits and all sorts of stuff greenery to catch in my ears and fur.

As I get out of the car the slip lead got tangled round my foot. Good ruse, while dad was untangling it I managed to get out of the bit round my neck. Freedom! Ran to the gate and waited for hoomans to catch up. Met a couple of Springers, wow are they fast. Gave up chasing them, they looked a bit too posh and clean to be any fun.

Did first poop amongst some long grass. Didn't think it was enough of a challenge. Ran about a bit then did second poop in some stinging nettles. Dad was impressed.

Went down the tow path. Great, the tide is out, lots of mud and a stream of water to wallow in. Tried hard to shake muddy water over hoomans, but they are wily and managed to avoid it. Ran round sniffing and got some jewellery – a great twig that tied tail to leg hair.

image

Run up and down the bank, through the samphire and the muddy puddle. Oh look a dead seagull, must go roll on that.

Next we walked along the path where I ran in and out of the steam with the bull-rushes. Made it to the big pond. Went for a swim, sadly no ducks to chase today. Dad kept throwing my treats in the water. Managed to rescue them.

image

Damn! I seem to be cleaned off now. Must run through some bushes and some muddy ditches on the way back.

image

Found a great muddy puddle, my legs and belly are nice and dirty again. Also managed to find more jewellery. Hoomans made me sit and tried to take my jewellery but I did a good job, they will have to cut them out.

Smiled at a nice old couple out walking without a dog who spoke to my hoomans and said I looked like a happy dog. Hoomans muttered something about me always being happy when I was dirty. Dad then told me to go swim. Dived in the big pond and swam about a bit. Managed to shake pond water over both humans.

Time to go home. Good, I need a snack.

Hoomans complained about the smell in the car. I don't know what is wrong with them, smells great to me.

Back home in the garden. Hoomans gave me dog treats but they were eating biscuits. Did tricks and looked cute till they gave me biccies.

Got towelled off and shut outside. Sat looking through kitchen door, saw mum get out more towels and the dryer. Goody!

Mum got her lead. She can't want another walk, we have only just got home. Sat on the bench outside and waited for her.

Hmmmm going inside with lead. I know what that means – shower. Dad was in the shower already when we got to the bathroom. I could try and run but I will get caught. I am only putting off the inevitable. Decide to man up and walk into the shower. Hoomans were dead impressed.

Shampooed, conditioned and rinsed. Dad cut my jewellery out of my tail and legs. I don't mind the shower but wasn't too pleased when dad used my man bits as a handle. He apologised, he thought it was my leg. I didn't think I was that big down there!

Got out of shower and tried hard to spray everything by shaking. Got towelled by mum then taken downstairs. Mmmm dryer. Don't like being brushed. It takes so long. I got bored and kept going into the kitchen looking for food. Finally mum gave up and put the dryer away.

Hopefully the hoomans will be tired after their walk and let me have a well earned rest.

Snoozed on the sofa till dad went in the kitchen. Must mean food. He tried to fob me off with a carrot, Took it out in the garden and left it. Maybe the cat will be interested.

Had a doze till both hoomans back in the kitchen. Still no sign of food.

Wait . . Winner, winner, chicken dinner. Scoffed it in 5 seconds and even started on the crunchies in the hope hoomans would feed me more. Plan failed.

image

Went into garden for pre main snooze pee. Look, there is the carrot I left earlier. I am so hungry I will eat it. Maybe I can talk the cat into begging for food for me. She always gets her bowl filled and they blame me for eating it all . . he he I do.

Gearing up for main snooze before bedtime.

Night, night diary.

Sprock on Puppies Luvz Jake